


Getting Warmer

by On_Sonnshine



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders - Freeform, DECEIT ISNT AN EVIL BASTARD, Deceit Sanders - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, HES A BIG EMOTIONALLY DAMAGED DORK, Light Angst, Platonic Cuddling, Touch-Starved Deceit, like a lot of platonic cuddling hi yes thanks they platonically love each other, no it's an, odd phenomenon, thank you, the fact that I have to clarify-, the touch-starved part isn't the main focus of the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 06:02:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14158368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/On_Sonnshine/pseuds/On_Sonnshine
Summary: Deceit's always cold, it's just how he is. Maybe something to do with bad circulation, maybe God expressing her utter hatred for him, who knows? All he knows is that a few months after Virgil left, it got worse.Farworse.





	Getting Warmer

**Author's Note:**

> HULLO HULLO AM DISGRACE  
>   
> God i'm devolving as I get older instead of evolving, fuck.

You know how some people are always cold or some people are always hot or inbetween?  
  
Well, Deceit was on the lower end of that spectrum. Read: he was always cold. Never too bad mind you, it could be killed off with a few blankets or a particularly warm sweater.  
  
Well, that was, until Virgil left.  
  
See here's the thing about it: The rest of the Dark Sides kept to themselves. if any of them crossed paths in the hallway, they'd not so much as glance at each other or even acknowledge each other with a noise. It wasn't that they disliked each other, they just...didn't care for the company of each other.  
  
And while they all had similar motivations- Thomas' self-preservation, mostly- Deceit and Virgil's alliance, while considered unlikely from the outside, made a lot of sense in all actuality. Their ideals fit closely, and if you could ignore the more obvious differences, there was no reason they shouldn't have been as thick as thieves.  
  
And then, rounding back, Virgil left.  
  
To be honest about the entire situation, they both know it was never Virgil's fault he had to leave Deceit behind. Deceit was different back then, different than he is now, and not only that but he refused to reveal himself to Thomas. I mean, if anyone was to blame here, it would be Deceit. Deceit himself knew this and, to be honest once more, he never blamed Virgil for leaving. Was never angry. Upset, yes, sad, yes, hell, he was even happy for Virgil. But never angry.  
  
He wanted to be angry, trust that he did, but he never was. He never had it in him.  
  
Now let me explain the point of 'until Virgil left'.  
  
A few months after Virgil left, maybe 4-5, something...happened.  
  
This- this _cold_ set into Deceit's _bones_. It wasn't gradual either, it was...one day, he went to sleep and he was fine, and then the next...he woke up, and he was...he was _freezing_. He felt like he'd slept in the arctic fucking tundra.  
  
It didn't go away, it didn't ease up, but for that matter it didn't get worse.  
  
But it wouldn't _go away_. Trust that Deceit tried everything- well, after the initial period where he didn't acknowledge it purely because he had a vague idea of why it was happening but thinking about that would involve thinking about the fact that _Virgil left_ , that _Virgil's gone_ , and he's cried enough tears over it. Well, in his mind, at the least. (If he thought about it for too long, he got...emotional.)  
  
He went so far as to refuse to acknowledge it as anything other than, well, 'it', or 'that whole mess' if 'it' became repetitive.  
  
In fact, there were only three instances where he was forced to acknowledge it. And that's what i'm showing you today.  
  
_The First Incident_  
  
It was early in his living with the boys, a mere few months after he _finally_ followed in Virgil's footsteps and left the Dark Sides.  
  
He could tell they were having a hard time accepting him. Which was fine, after a bit of recon he knew they'd been the same way with Virgil at first. He had expected as much as he was getting- well. Except for one hold-out.  
  
Patton.  
  
He had expected Patton to, at the least, be opposed to his presence. After all, Patton was the one he'd eh, _impersonated_. He figured that Patton wouldn't be very gung ho about his being there.  
  
But Patton was. Er, better put, Patton didn't treat him any differently than the others. Okay, also not correct. He was the same towards Deceit as he was to the others as far as verbal inclusion went. However, Deceit absently noticed one day, Patton wasn't at all as physically affectionate towards him as he was with the others. He was constantly hanging off of them or not going a minute without hugging someone or kissing them on the cheek. Which Deceit was fine with. He understood that, at the least. Deceit was new. Deceit was different. Deceit was bad.  
  
Or at least, that's what Deceit assumed the reasoning was, up until the first incident.  
  
The first incident was when Patton, in a flurry of excitement over something Logan had said, had squealed, whipped around, and practically launched himself into Deceit, throwing his arms around him in a hug.  
  
Deceit had stiffened up and froze, the very first thought running through his head being ' _what the f...oh. this is...this is nice._ '  
  
But his thoughts entirely ran wild when that cold, the- the _ice_ that had frozen over his bones it...it melted. Within a span of 8 seconds it was gone and Deceit felt warmer than he had in two-and-a-half long years.  
  
Even when Patton suddenly pulled back, going 'I'm sorry Deceit I-' (Deceit waving him off with a few words that were the equivalent of 'it's fine calm your shit dude') the warmth stayed. He didn't feel cold. No, you need to understand, _he didn't feel cold._ This was- revolutionary, for two-and-a-half-years, Deceit had been unvaryingly _freezing_ and- and with one hug, Patton dashed it entirely.  
  
Well, if you couldn't tell by it being _three_ incidents, the ice returned a mere few hours later. Nice while it lasted.  
  
And as much as Deceit would prefer not to be thinking about it, he couldn't keep his mind off of it. He doubted the ice's presence depended on whether or not Patton was hugging him- Deceit was many things but stupid wasn't one of them.  
  
So, that night marked the first time Deceit Sanders admitted to himself that maybe, just maybe, going a full-on three years without so much as a brush of physical contact with another human being- aside from himself- had fucked him up royally.  
  
_The Second Incident_  
  
It was 4 in the morning, he was exhausted, he wanted to get a glass of water, and his _fucking_ cape was against him, he swore.  
  
He'd gotten tangled in it, tripped down the stairs, drawn the attention of Virgil, and that lead to them sitting in the kitchen, Virgil checking that he was alright and, apparently, lecturing him.  
  
See, Virgil, admittedly concerned and fed up with Deceit chucking himself down the stairs, decided to see if he might be able to put a stop to this.  
  
'Really dude you should just-' Virgil reached out, taking hold of the cape and pulling at it, 'Stop wearing this. I mean I think we're both aware it's only getting you hurt even more than usual. And falling down the stairs can't be enjoyable.'  
  
Deceit had deflected the suggestion, as normal, but Virgil was...persistent.  
  
At some point, Deceit went half unresponsive, leaving off with a grumbled, 'Jeez you want me to freeze...' ((throwback to my hc that when he's tired he slips between the truth and lying, and also he's more likely to tell the truth when it comes to Virgil, so the combination reads as: the truth))  
  
A pause, and then...  
  
'Well I already do anyways but god.'  
  
Virgil raised an eyebrow, ' _Freeze?_ I'm surprised you don't _overheat_. You're wearing a long-sleeved shirt under that, and as far as I can tell, a t-shirt under that. I know you're always cold but jesus wear a sweater and be done with it.'  
  
Deceit, well, grew agitated, as you'd expect.  
  
'I can't just _wear a sweater_ , that won't _work_ , _nothing_ works. I could be wearing three sweaters and be smothered in five blankets and i'd _still_ be cold. And i'm speaking from experience.'  
  
Virgil stared at him for a moment and then tilted his head, eyes narrowing, 'Got it...well, first, that makes no sense, and second, yeah that makes no sense. You're so dramatic, jesus, giving Roman a run for his money.'  
  
The sheer disbelief he got in response only agitated Deceit further, and he glared ((highkey definitely flashing the fangs that you _know_ he has ya feel??)).  
  
'Great. The boy who cried wolf, right? I'm Deceit and when I actually tell the truth, apparently i'm bluffing.' He scoffed and Virgil, bless him, was taken aback.  
  
Attempting to rectify the situation and whatever mistake he just made. He spoke carefully, like he was dancing around a ticking time bomb.  
  
'I'm not saying you're lying... _per se_ , but it's just...that doesn't make any sense so...you'd have to be exaggerating.'  
  
At that point in time, they just weren't close enough for Deceit to even consider sharing the truth, and the circumstances, so he just stood and, very stiffly, went, 'Thanks for the help. I'm going to bed.' And then proceeded to do everything short of storm off, leaving Virgil incredibly confused.  
  
Virgil tried to ignore it, to pin it to Deceit being Deceit.  
  
But he couldn't.  
  
He couldn't, because he knew Deceit. _Knew_ Deceit.  
  
He knew how Deceit acted.  
  
The always freezing thing was new, and it clearly wasn't a lie. Deceit, he hadn't changed that much, when he's caught in a lie it's _obvious_ he's caught in a lie. And sure, Deceit could be dramatic but...that's not what drama queen Deceit acts like.  
  
That was what frustrated, hurt Deceit acts like.  
  
_The Third, and Final, Incident_  
  
It was months after their turning point, where Virgil learned how fucked up Deceit was by his leaving, where he learned about the fact that hey, he was probably touch-starved, where he learned...pretty much the fact that Deceit was...damaged, at best.  
  
It's 3 AM.  
  
They were just relaxing in the living room, because neither of them could sleep and this was a pastime for them when they both were having sleep troubles.  
  
Deceit shivered a little bit, ''S cold in here right?'  
  
Virgil hummed- it was, Roman ran hot and he always fucked with the thermostat- but cut the noise off in the middle of it.  
  
Deceit didn't notice, but even if he had Virgil couldn't have cared.  
  
The Argument, as it were- and don't ask Virgil why- has flashed to the front of his mind.  
  
_''S cold isn't it?'_. Did that mean that he wasn't...freezing?? anymore? What was that about anyways? Deceit ran cold but freezing, it was new, it was...strange. When had it happened, _why_ had it happened? Did Deceit even have those answers?  
  
Virgil didn't know, but he did now that whatever it may be, he wanted an answer. If Deceit didn't want to, that was fine, but Virgil was so genuinely curious and- and honestly worried.  
  
'Hey Dee?' Deceit hummed in acknowledgement, eyes still focused on his phone.  
  
'You remember, when like, a long time ago, when you fell down the stairs?'  
  
Deceit gave a snort of laughter, 'Be more specific.'  
  
Virgil rolled his eyes, propping himself up on a hand.  
  
'I'm being serious. It was like, maybe 4 AM, you know, when we...when we had that argument?'  
  
Deceit paused, lowering his phone a bit and suddenly tensing.  
  
Virgil knew right away that Deceit knew what he was talking about.  
  
Deceit kept his gaze low, running a nervous hand through the back of his hair, 'A-ah. Right. That. I-'  
  
'If you apologize I will throw you down the stairs myself.'  
  
Deceit paused and then closed his mouth, nodding. Virgil sighed a little bit, sitting up fully and crossing his legs.  
  
'Don't think you have to tell me as an end-all be-all, but...I don't know, you didn't...' Virgil let out a frustrated noise, 'You didn't used to always be freezing. Are you sick or something? 'Cause if you are...'  
  
Not surprisingly, the first thought through Deceit's head is _oh boy here we go_. Sighing, Deceit spoke, fiddling with the edge of his shirt, 'No, no, i'm not sick. It's- it's not that.'  
  
Virgil tilted his head a little bit, silently prompting Deceit to continue.  
  
Deceit worried his bottom lip between his teeth, skillfully avoiding Virgil's gaze.  
  
'I uh...i've just kind of...been really, really cold? For a while. It's like...I just can't get warm. Or even just plain cold. Ever. It's so fucking _cold_ you can't-...it's freezing.' Deceit quickly shook his head, clearing his throat to keep any possible emotions at bay.  
  
Virgil frowned, brow furrowing, 'A while? When did it start?'  
  
He knows that the tense of Deceit's shoulders can't mean anything good.  
  
Virgil himself nearly tensed at the sight, and after a few beats of silence Virgil reached out, setting a hand on Deceit's shoulder, 'If you don't want to, then that's fine, you know.'  
  
Deceit pursed his lips for a moment, picking at his sleeve, and then, in a tone so quiet it was almost inaudible, 'After you...after you left? A few months.'  
  
Virgil paused and, ironically, felt cold for a second, heart constricting. 'Oh.'  
  
The response saw Deceit hunching down, a flush visibly creeping up his neck and honestly, Virgil couldn't really fathom why Deceit would be embarrassed. And then again, sharing things you've internalized for years is...incredibly difficult. Virgil would know.  
  
Quickly setting himself into action, Virgil scooted closer to him, resisting the urge to wrap an arm around his shoulders. God, Patton's rubbing off on him.  
  
'Hey, it's fine. You don't have anything to be embarrassed about i'm...i'm glad you trust me enough to tell me that and i'm...' He's taking a page from Patton's book on those words, but his next words...they're entirely his.  
  
Swallowing thickly, Virgil rested a hand on Deceit's shoulder, the only level of contact he felt he could give without feeling like he'd make Deceit uncomfortable.  
  
'I'm not going anywhere. Not...not again.' A few moments of Virgil chewing at the inside of his cheek later, he glanced down and in that same quiet tone Deceit had used moments earlier, spoke. 'I'm sorry.'  
  
Deceit's shaking his head before Virgil's even fully finished with his sentence and he's talking as soon as Virgil falls silent, 'You didn't do anything wrong.'  
  
But either way, Virgil still feels...terrible. Worse still, he's too busy trying to comfort Deceit to actually do his usual process of stopping everything for 5 minutes to remind himself that he couldn't bring Deceit with him because A), Deceit was...he was different, back then, and B), he wasn't ready to reveal himself to Thomas. Virgil physically could not have taken Deceit with him.  
  
But Virgil still felt terrible about it, knowing what he knows now. (That Deceit was never angry at him, no, instead he was upset, and even happy for Virgil. That he suffered from intense touch-starvation. And now...this.)  
  
The look Virgil gives him is that of a stubborn man, 'Even if I 'didn't do anything wrong', I have to apologize, because I _did_ hurt you.' Deceit goes to open his mouth and Virgil holds up a hand, 'Yes, the circumstances were...particular. But even still, it hurt you. Either way, apologizing won't do anything. So. You said you were literally _always_ freezing? Nothing helps?'  
  
Once more, Deceit was picking at his sleeve, silent for a few moments.  
  
'It's weird, Vee. Sometimes it's there...sometimes it's not. It only started doing that recently, so maybe it's because of how touchy Patton is? I don't know. But it's there right now...ah, there is something that helps, um...' He trails off for a moment, and if how his flush returns full force is anything to go by, it's not something particularly dignifying.  
  
'What helps, Dee?' Virgil kept his tone soft and Deceit hunched down further.  
  
When he spoke, Virgil had to strain to hear him, 'Cuddling...hugs, any kind of...any kind of contact like that makes it go away for a while.'  
  
Virgil lifted up slightly, a small smile crossing his face at hearing there's at least something that helps, and he has a distant thought wondering if the swell he feels in his heart is how Patton feels when in Virgil's position. He chooses not to dwell on it.  
  
Doing what he'd refrained from previously, Virgil reached out, wrapping an arm around Deceit's shoulders and gently- leaving enough room for Deceit to pull back if made uncomfortable- pulling him into his side, mumbling a slightly flustered, 'I uh, I hope this is okay. Like, I hope i'm not assuming or anything or making this weird- if I am just tell me to knock it off.'  
  
Deceit tensed against him for a few moments and Virgil had a brief internal panic.  
  
That was, until seconds later Deceit _melted_ into Virgil's hold, turning to bury his face into the older Side's shoulder, nearly whispering a 'You're not. 'S good.'  
  
Virgil relaxed, letting out a breath- he was really going out on a limb with that one, to be honest.  
  
Virgil wrapped his other arm around Deceit, twisting a bit and- yup Deceit was pretty much in his lap but that was fine.  
  
Gently tightening his hold, Virgil spoke, voice low seeing as he was pretty much right next to Deceit's ear, 'I hope this helps. I'm not exactly the warmest, temperature-wise either but uh...'  
  
Virgil knew he was blushing as he glanced down, burying his face into Deceit's hair even though with their position there was no way Deceit could see his face, 'It's making me warmer so...I hope it's. Y'know. Doing the same for you.' His tone tapered off into a mumble.  
  
Part of Deceit wanted to mention how much of a dork Virgil was but he just buried further into him, speaking- admittedly muffled- 'It's helping...thanks.'  
  
Virgil, if he was being honest, was a bit touched. And mostly pleased- relieved- that it was working.  
  
They swiftly got tired of sitting up, which was a cue for Virgil to slowly start leaning back, keeping an eye on Deceit for reaction as he pulled the younger Side down with him.  
  
As soon as they hit the ground, Virgil twisted, practically wrapping around Deceit, burying his face into his hair. It made him flush all over again but either way he couldn't stop a smile because he could see Deceit's ears tinting red as well.  
  
Virgil snorted a bit, 'Fuckin' dork.'  
  
'Shut up' Deceit's tone was whiny but Virgil could hear the smile in it.  
  
A few beats of silence passed.  
  
'Still freezing?'  
  
Deceit's smile got a bit bigger as he responded, 'Getting warmer.'


End file.
